Mulholland Cowboy

#367 Quit… Again

When I got to work this morning, I went on SYED and everything was fine. But then as the morning progressed, I noticed the site was running slower and slower. I thought it just might be the internet connection I had at work but when I asked Nate to try where he was, it was slow for him as well. My first thought was that I had been hacked. My second thought was, “Maybe my site is getting bogged down with visitors for some reason.” But that didn’t make that much sense because I wound up with 10,000 visitors yesterday and I didn’t notice a problem.

I’m not sure when or how I saw The Huffington Post article. But after I did, I started googling around and saw that Yahoo! had a link to my video. Then I saw Yahoo had actual piece cut about me and my blog. THEN someone told me that piece was on the front page of Yahoo!.

At this point, my site had ground to a halt. I was getting database connection errors. I didn’t really have time to process the craziness. I jumped on the phone with my host company and for the next couple of hours frantically tried to get my site back up AND do my freelance work. It wasn’t easy. Eventually, they allocated more memory to my site as a temporary fix and I’m upgrading my server. I don’t know if all this traffic will last but I don’t want to be caught with my pants down again. I mean, I’ve just been allowed to come with 100 feet of a school again.

Meanwhile, feedback emails were coming in. Comments were being posted to the site once it was back up. It was mayhem. I got a few emails for interviews and my mind was exploding. Then other opportunities I can’t talk about here. I was thinking of all the things I had to do. I needed to get my tumblr updated. Redesign the website. Write a new press release. Write a new blog post. There was so much.

And I was back in a cubicle again. I knew I shouldn’t be there. In my heart, it never felt right. But the money was so enticing and my mother seemed so happy when I told her I was working again. Still, I told myself I was never going to compromise my personal goals because of work. Plus I wouldn’t be able to give all my attention to my work. That wasn’t fair to my boss. I knew what I had to do.

So I went to talk to my boss and I quit… again. I felt like a jerk. I was only there for 2 days. But it had to be done. He was really cool and completely understood. He’s known about what I want to do for awhile. I apologized, finished up some work then instead of fighting traffic to head home, I went to the beach.

I walked around outside even though it was freezing. I needed to try to absorb what was going on. A lot of thoughts raced through my head. Was something finally happening? Would all these new readers stick around? Would I become rich beyond my wildest fantasies and have virgins left as offerings at my feet and have gold plated toilet paper? Where would Peyton Manning end up? Will the last season of Breaking Bad really be as awesome as everyone is expecting it to be?

I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

Original Article

Posted March 8, 2012 at 10:14am in tumblrize

The Power of reddit and #366 Interview with Right This Minute

I put a post on reddit with a link to my finale video on Monday night before I went to bed. I didn’t think much of it. It had 3 upvotes in the first ten minutes but that doesn’t mean anything. Anyway, I meant it more as a thank you note to reddit for supporting my work over the year and not as shameless karma whoring, which I wouldn’t have minded. I was tired so I headed straight to sleep…

When I woke up, I did my usual routine of checking my email in bed. I had two feedback emails from my blog. I knew something was up at that point. It’s only two emails but given my regular frequency of feedback email, it was definitely unusual.

So I pulled up reddit and saw I had 1000 upvotes and was sitting pretty at the bottom of the front page. Whoa. I guess the nighttime reddit crew really liked my video. I had flashbacks of my first (and previously, only) viral video the infamous Typical Friday Night.

Most of the comments on reddit were encouraging. Then there were the WAY too familiar “that’s not scary” comments. I get it. Not everything I did was “scary” but I did it for a year and ONE of those things is bound to be scary for everyone.

The YouTube comments were also nice but that’s because mostly everyone commenting were from reddit.

I started noticing my video popping up as other sites started pulling it from reddit. The Daily What was the first big one. With the YouTube counter frozen at 215 with 480 likes, I knew it was getting big.

All of this was happening while I was at my first day of work. If you weren’t following, I took a freelance gig with a former coworker. The work day didn’t get off to a good start as it took me an hour and fifteen minutes to drive 12 miles to the office. Then there was the feeling that I was selling out. That I had just made this monumental decision to quit my last job and here I was, grinding it out again. It was a different situation but it still felt the same.

Anyway, I just tried to ignore what was going on with my finale video until I got an email from a site called Right This Minute. Turns out in addition to having a website, they are also a nationally syndicated TV show of all things viral (except, you know, real viruses). They wanted to do an interview with me over Skype. Pretty cool and of course scary.

So I ended up leaving work early to go home and prep for the interview. By prep for the interview I mean attempt to comb my bird’s nest like hair, dig the boogers out of my eyes and nose and scrape crust from the corners of my mouth. Then pace nervously around my apartment hoping to god I didn’t fart in the middle of a question. I’m pretty sure that’s how George Clooney preps for an interview.

The producer called me and told me the setup. I would talk through Skype. They could see me but I couldn’t see them. Them being the three hosts of this show which I found out later is kind of setup like TMZ in a pseudo news/control center. The three hosts watch my video and talk about it. Only one of the hosts had seen the video and the other two would give their candid reactions about it. Then they would ask me questions about it.

I got really worried when I heard them cue up the video and the main host, Beth said, “Uh oh we have audio problems. That’s ok, we don’t need to hear the music.” Uh but wait, the music is kind of important!

Then they started the video. I sensed more trouble when the guy was like, “Well, that’s not scary.” And the other female host said agreed. Beth tried to defend the video (“see, that’s scary!”) but it just didn’t seem to be going well. It’s like when you think a video is really cool and you show it to your friends and they’re like “meh” and you’re like “but” and they’re like “I SAID MEH” and you’re like “fine.” Maybe if the video were of me shitting on a cat or something they would be more excited.

After the video was over, I tried to give a thoughtful interview but I’m not sure that was right for this show. Still, I did my best. Then it was over so abruptly. They didn’t even say goodbye and just cut me off Skype. I waited for some followup email or call. There was none. So I sent an email to the producer asking if I’d done ok. She said it was great and I would see the interview up on Thursday.

Then I proceeded to beat myself up over my answers. I forgot to mention this post. I sounded completely incoherent. I rambled. I didn’t answer the questions they were asking. Then I went to bed. Being so neurotic is exhausting.

Something seemed to be happening. Things felt like they were ramping up. People were liking the SYED FB page. They were following me on Twitter. I just hope this was all leading to something. Still, it felt good to be getting some recognition for the end of the blog. A great send off.

It seemed so fitting. The first video I put up had made it to the front page of reddit and now this last one did as well. Only this time, it was completely about the blog. So now my blog was reaping the benefits and not you Rebecca Black!

Original Article

Posted March 6, 2012 at 9:56pm in tumblrize

Epilogue

Well, yesterday’s post was obviously the hardest post I’ve ever written. What did I want to include? How did I want to say it? What should I leave in? What should I leave out? What kind of tone did I want?

It’s like trying to make a series finale for a TV show. Sometimes you get Seinfeld which was utterly disappointing. Sometimes you get Six Feet Under which was utterly mind blowing. Hopefully mine fell in the meaty party between the two.

For my halfway point reflections post, I listed the top 10 most read posts.

#365 The End (?)

From very early on, I knew that I wanted to end Scare Yourself Every Day with a big party. I always envisioned it as a huge event. Renting out an entire bar. Hundreds of people. Everyone who supported the blog and everyone who was a part of it. The Scientologists, the Mormon Missionaries. My psychic would be telling fortunes at a table. Magic Mike would be doing card tricks for everyone. There would be pole dancers performing. A buffet table full of weird and gross foods. I would make an announcement that I had a book deal. And everything would resolve to a slow motion scene set to music.

Now that the day was here, I knew it wasn’t going to be like that. I didn’t have the money to rent out a space or hire people to do fun activities. Let’s face it, even if I did invite the Scientologists and Mormons they wouldn’t have come anyway. I didn’t know any pole dancers. Weird and gross foods still cost money. I didn’t have a book deal. And life doesn’t resolve to slow motion scenes set to music.

But if I’ve learned anything from a year of doing scary things every day, it’s that even though things rarely go as you imagined it, they can be just as good or more often, better.

When I was sitting by myself in The Alibi room in the lounge area before anyone showed up, it reminded me of when I started this blog. I started it completely alone. I did a week of scary things before I even told anyone about it. It was my little secret. But when I revealed it, I was terrified nobody would read it. Now I was terrified that no one was coming to the party.

Then Andrzej and Christi walked through the door and I started to relax. This party wasn’t going to be an embarrassing failure.

That’s also how I felt when the first few people started reading my blog. Relief my blog wasn’t going to be an embarrassing failure. And just as more and more people began reading the blog, more and more people showed up to the party.

At one point in the night, I went over to the bar and looked back at the lounge area. A couple of hours ago it was empty. Now it was overflowing with people.

Good friend Bob was there. Nate and Andrzej of course. Nate’s girlfriend Caity who I played D&D with. Christi who was there when I rode the mechanical bull. Casey (aka Susan aka The Brownie Girl). Magic Mike who did his own scary thing by showing up to this party alone. Tim, my camera guy for the Awesome foundation. Kristina aka Kate from dining in the dark. Chris from the Barmuda Triangle. His wife, Yael who who took me to The Landmark Forums. Erin who encouraged me to write my press release. Matt who suggested a bunch of things to me like writing a letter to my future self. Roy’s who’s kitchen I worked in. And friends who were just readers and supporters of the blog in general.

Maybe the party wasn’t like the fantasy I had imagined early on. But it was better. Because it was real. I used to spend a lot of time creating fantasies in my head. I’d make plans that I’d never go through with. I was always a dreamer and not a doer. But over the past year, I’ve become a person that does things. Because I had to.

I used to always put things off until a “better” time. I learned there never is a “better” time. And if you put something off, it’s as good as never doing it.

I thought of everyone else who was a part of the blog but not at the party. Everyone who read the blog. The people who wrote me emails. Gave me encouragement when things were rough. Told me how I inspired them which is still amazing and unbelievable to me. Even the people who would just ask me casually, “What scary thing have you done lately?” The people who I wouldn’t even have met if not for this blog. They were all a part of this.

I discovered how much my family means to me. I feel closer to them than ever before. My mother and I especially have been through a lot this year but I think our relationship is the strongest it’s ever been. I told my Dad all the things people normally say when a person has passed on and it’s too late. I did a few scary things with my sister.

I feel closer to my friends too. Even though the blog is so one-sided, just knowing that my friends were reading it was a connection between us that we never had before. And that they read it all means so much to me.

I was like Charlie Brown before the blog. Depressed, no self-confidence and always lamenting on what he couldn’t bring himself to do, like talk to his little red-haired girl. But because of SYED, I finally talked to my “little red-haired girl”.

There’s so much satisfaction from confronting your fears. It’s something you have to experience for yourself. It makes you think anything is possible. When you do a scary thing, you discover you’re stronger than you thought. Much stronger.

And those scary things? They’re almost never as bad you think. Except if you get colon hydrotherapy. Then it’s much much worse.

SYED has also helped me find the joy in life that I never did before. It’s an amazing thing to be excited about the future.

I’ve never been more proud of anything I’ve ever done in my life. Whatever happens, I can look back at SYED and say I did that. One day, I said I was going to do something scary every day for a year and I did it. Nobody can take that away from me.

What are you going to do now? It’s the question everyone’s been asking me. Scare Yourself Every Day as we know it is over. The goal was to do something scary every day for a year and I’ve done that. There’s a beauty to something with a start and finish. It makes this past year so special. BUT…

I’m not going to stop scaring myself. It just won’t be every day. I can’t tell you how much SYED consumed my time, thoughts, energy and even money. It’s time for a break. But I’m going to keep writing in my blog and I’ll hope you’ll continue to follow me.

I want to make a SYED community where people can talk and share stories about scaring themselves. A place to trade ideas and scary things to try. To give support to each other to do things they never thought possible.

So today is both an end and a beginning at the same time.

And just because life doesn’t have slow motion scenes set to music, doesn’t mean I can’t make my own…

Original Article

Posted March 3, 2012 at 3:39pm in tumblrize

#364 Last Day at Work

A month ago I quit. Well, gave my notice at least. Of course that was a difficult decision. One of the most difficult of my life. But that whole time after you’ve given notice, you feel as though you can back out at any time. Sorry boss! It was just a bluff to get more money out of you! Clearly you’re not blinking so can I keep working here?

Giving notice so early allows you ample time to regret your decision. But I never did. Not even for a minute. Sure I worried about it. Had moments of sheer panic. Lying awake in the middle of the night, figuring out which possessions I could sell and how much time that would buy me based on my budget. But regret? None. Nothing has felt so right.

This week leading up till today, it still didn’t feel real. I packed up most of my things yesterday. I had plenty of boxes from the numerous Amazon shipments I’d had delivered to work. I defrosted my refrigerator whose freezer resembled the iceberg that sank Leo and Kate in the Titanic. But it still didn’t hit me.

Today, my last day at work, it finally started to sink in. It was the little things. People in my department running around, doing what they normally do but never talking to me about it. It wasn’t, Greg we need this and this and this. It was, Craig, we need this and this and this. It wasn’t that they’d forgotten my name suddenly. Craig was the freelancer who was taking over much of my workload.

While I was so weary and tired of my work, I found it hard to let go. I felt a reflex reaction to try and get projects done. But my project manager didn’t even ask me to do anything. What was the point? I had my exit interview in 6 hours.

It was cleaning out my computer. Really cleaning out. I’ve never seen my desktop so clean except when I first started. All of my personal files, gone. The funny images I sent to my coworkers. My music. Photos. Everything. My computer was now as sterile as a mule.

My coworkers took me out to lunch. It was a smaller group because there were a bunch of fires to put out at work. It suited me just fine. I hate big groups of people. Nate and Andrzej didn’t think they were going to make it but they showed up in time which made me really happy.

Then I went back to the office and started writing my goodbye email. My first version was very short. A few sentences and that’s it. I didn’t want to get too personal. But that would’ve been what the old Greg would do. The new, SYED-improved Greg wrote something a little more meaningful. I tried to make it funny but sincere.

I planned to slip out to my exit interview and then go home. Bypassing any sort of goodbyes. I would see most of the coworkers I was closest to at my party tomorrow anyway. (A funny side note about that is I miscalculated the last day of the blog. I thought it was Sunday. I was having the party on Saturday just to make it easier for people to attend. But I forgot about leap year. So the extra day means #365 is really tomorrow!)

But again, that would be the old Greg. Avoid any tough, emotional situation. SYED Greg decided to come back after the exit interview and make an effort to say goodbye to everyone.

So I started at one end of the office and worked my way down. The first person I said goodbye to was one of the coworkers I was friends with. And I was surprised at how sad I was. We didn’t really say anything and hugged. I was kind of speechless afterwards but managed to say goodbye to a couple of other coworkers who were standing nearby.

I made my way to Nate and Andrzej. It was a brief goodbye. Partly because I know I’ll see them fairly often even though we don’t work together. But partly because it was pretty sad because we had become so close. And no matter how often we did see each other, it wouldn’t be the same.

I was surprised at how hard it was. I guess you can’t work with people 40 hours a week for 4 years and not feel an emotional attachment to them. Even with all the disagreements and fights you may have. Coworkers are like your family. You don’t choose them and you’re forced to have relationships with them. And in the end, it hurts to say goodbye to them.

As I walked to my car, I thought about how glad I was that I did that. Made an effort to say goodbye to everyone. It just shows how much I’ve changed in the last year. It’s so easy and safe to isolate from people, but so lonely too.

When I drove out of the parking lot and down the street to the freeway, I looked back in my rearview mirror. I saw the office disappearing in the distance. Then I realized I wasn’t just driving away from a phase of my life, I was driving towards a new one.

Original Article

Posted March 2, 2012 at 7:59pm in tumblrize

#363 Ride a Mechanical Bull

Riding a mechanical bull was on the SYED list for quite some time now. It seemed like a no-brainer. A scary fun thing to try that was made extremely convenient given there was a place with a mechanical bull 5 minutes from where I worked.

But maybe it was that convenience that made me keep putting it off until I completely forgot about it. That is until Andrzej asked me a couple of days ago, “Whatever happened to riding the bull?”

I quickly mobilized and asked some of my coworkers if they wanted to go with me tonight. Surprisingly, five of them did. While I like to think it was to support the blog, I think it’s more likely they just wanted to see me launched off the bull into the night time sky.

I did a quick google search on how to ride a bull. The only tips I learned were to grip with your legs not your hand and use your hips. But those were vague enough instructions you could apply them to almost anything.

There were two things that scared me about the bull. The first was being embarrassed by not staying a fair amount of time. The second was crushing my skull or breaking my back falling off the thing. The first thing scared me more.

I had a beer and some nachos before signing up to ride the bull. That was probably not the best idea. Add shitting myself as a third fear.

Finally it was time. The bull was surrounded by some pretty decent padding. It was a lot fluffier than I thought. That eased my fears a bit. Maybe I wouldn’t end up a quadriplegic after this. Then I hopped and well, pictures speak louder than words…

I went from “I can do this” to “oh shit” in about 2 seconds. You can see it in the video. When it jumped to that next level I was done. Once you get loose, I don’t think you can get back.

As I walked off, the girl operating the bull reassured me that I had stayed on longer than most. She even encouraged me to come back for the bull riding competition on the weekend though I suspect she said that to everyone to drum up business for the bar.

My wrist was a bit sore after I got thrown off and my inner thighs ached from the death grip I was giving the bull. I was happy to have finally done it. But I was happier that my coworkers were there with me. It was a lot of fun to hang out with them. My last day at work is tomorrow so I’m glad I was able to do this with them.

I might even do ride a bull again. Just call me an Urban Cowboy.

Original Article

Posted March 1, 2012 at 10:52am in tumblrize

#362 Guest Post – Bonnie

With the blog coming to an end, I’ve been thinking about how SYED started as this very personal thing and has since turned into more of a community exprience. I already had my friend Nate make a guest post about changing his look (which quickly reverted back I might add). But I wanted to hear from a reader, someone I didn’t know personally. I immediately thought of Bonnie.

Bonnie sent me an email back in May about Scare Yourself Every Day. It was awesome. I was completely blown away by it. She talked about how she was inspired by the blog. I’d only been doing SYED for a couple of months at that point and it was the first email that really talked about a personal connection to the blog. Since then we’ve tried to keep in touch every month or so.

I asked her to write about her experience with SYED. She enthusiastically agreed and this is what she had to say:

A little under a year ago, my boyfriend broke up with me. Through a text message. Right before our two-year anniversary. We were so perfectly in love and I was crushed. I never thought I would be one of those pathetic girls who sits around pining over their ex, eating a gallon of ice cream a day. And technically, I wasn’t; it was more like two gallons a day.

The worst part (y’know, besides having all my hopes and dreams shattered) was that I didn’t know what to do with myself. Everyone told me to keep busy, but how was I supposed to do that? My past hobbies included hanging out with my boyfriend, waiting for my boyfriend to call, and texting my boyfriend 24/7. What the hell was I doing with my life for the past two years?

After a sufficient amount of wallowing, I convinced myself that the world actually had not ended and that I should probably get out of bed and re-unite with the shower.

I started making a list of all the things I wanted to do with my newfound free time. At the top of the list was to stop being so boring. I’ve never been one to take risks. I’ve always tried to stay off the radar and, although it may not be the best way to live, at least I avoided being noticed. I would always look at people who were confident and had the guts to try new things and think, “Wow, it must be nice to be able to do that. I wish I could too.” I was so scared to take initiative, because what if I put in effort for nothing? What if I failed? Well, my life had already fallen apart, so I didn’t have much to lose. It was the perfect opportunity to become the person I always wanted to be.

It was then that a friend introduced me to Scare Yourself Every Day. When I first read it I thought the same old “Oh, he’s so great, why can’t I be like him and do scary things?” But when I actually thought about it, there was nothing keeping me from doing just that. So, I made the decision to start doing scary things. Not necessarily everyday, but as often as possible. I used to think of a million reasons not to do something that put me out of my comfort zone, but now I asked myself “why not?”

In the past year I have experienced so much. I overcame my intense fear of heights and went skydiving (I even succeeded in retaining all of my bodily fluids!). I did a presentation in front of a bunch of high school students, and yes, they’re terrifying no matter how much older than them you are. I went rafting with my sister and survived getting stranded on the river for a while (For the record, rivers are very fast the day after a hurricane.). Some things were smaller, like trying a newflavor every time I got ice cream or getting a new hairstyle for the first time since I was about five. Others were huge, like getting my first apartment and moving to the city. For a person whose idea of scary used to be using the Wii controller without wearing the safety strap, this whole experience has been a pretty big accomplishment.

A lot of the things I have done were on a more personal level. Before, I used being shy as an excuse for everything. Once I realized that I’m not actually as shy as I thought (I blame my parents. As a child they introduced me with “This is Bonnie. No, she’s okay, she’s just shy.”), talking to people wasn’t as scary. I’ve changed so much, and I’ve overcome fears that I’ve had for 20 years. I have never been more proud of I guess the most important thing I’ve learned is to just go for it. Playing it safe is risky; there’s a good chance you’ll miss out on so many opportunities. Yes, things will go wrong, but you learn to overcome the disappointment and keep going; it’s not a big deal. Courage is limitless - if you can get past your inhibitions, you can do anything.

Sometimes I still can’t believe how far I’ve come. My first scary thing was emailing Greg and thanking him for being such an inspiration. I don’t think I could have gotten to this point without reading the blog and seeing that yes, it is possible, and I have every intention of continuing this for as long as there are scary things to overcome. Thanks again, Greg!

If anyone has any suggestions for scary things to do around Boston, let me know!

heyitsbonnie@gmail.com

I’m so proud of Bonnie for doing all those things that scared her. It’s inspiring to me to hear about so she’s given that right back to me. And it’s humbling to think I had a tiny part in getting her started. Thanks Bonnie!

Original Article

Posted February 29, 2012 at 8:28am in tumblrize

#361 Dentists and Taxes

As the end draws near, I’m preparing myself for a big life change. Part of that involves using what health benefits I have while I can.

A little while ago I went to the dentist. What I didn’t mention was that I told him one of my teeth was feeling sensitive and painful. He said it might be because of an old filling. He could drill it out and replace it with a new one. That sounded absolutely horrible. So I decided to wait and see if it got any worse. In reality, I just didn’t want to get my tooth drilled out. This was going to be a novocaine situation. Needles in my mouth freak me out.

But with my insurance dwindling to its final days, I realized how stupid I was being. I should make sure everything was topped off before I quit my job. Who knew how long it would be before I had insurance again? I called for an appointment and they were able to squeeze me in today, knowing that I was practically on borrowed time.

When I got to the dentist’s office, he took a few more x-rays just to make sure that this was the problem. Then he got started. He put some topical anesthetic on my gum and then… the novocaine. I kind of looked away as he stuck the needle into my mouth. I just hate the “squishing” sound as the needle goes in. Of course it doesn’t really hurt but I just can’t stand the thought of a needle in one of my orifices.

Then the drilling. If there’s any sound in Hell it’s that awful sound of a dentist’s drill. It just goes straight to your brain and then spends some time there kicking over trash cans and smashing windows. But luckily there was no pain other than psychological. The whole thing lasted for about 20 minutes. And when it was over, I felt like I had a brand new mouth.

When I got home, I decided to tackle another one of life’s certainties: taxes.

Doing your taxes is not fun. Last year I got a pretty big return. I had no idea what was going to happen this year. I never do. I didn’t have much freelance income which was good. I still had my LLC so I could write off stuff for that. But the tax laws are always changing. With my upcoming unemployment, I was really scared of owing money.

An hour later, I found myself looking at a return almost double what I got last year. Of course given my Asian neuroticism and guilt, I immediately thought I’d done something wrong and would get audited. Well, I did make a mistake. I put down $7200 instead of $720 for an expense. But that really doesn’t make that big of a difference. Especially since I was taking a standard deduction. Still, I got suckered into TurboTax’s “audit protection” service. Basically, if you get audited, they deal with the IRS so you don’t have to. For $40, it assuaged some of my guilt and fear.

After I calmed down a bit, I realized how much this unexpected money was going to help me. Honestly, I could live for a few months off this return alone if I did nothing else at all. Then I still had my reserves and my savings after that. Again, that’s all assuming I do nothing at all which I don’t plan on.

As my last day of work draws near, I feel much better about it than I did. I feel ready for the long haul. I feel prepared. And finally, I feel excited.

Original Article

Posted February 28, 2012 at 3:58pm in tumblrize

#360 Spend the Night in the Wilderness Alone Part 2

Yesterday I went up to the Angeles Forest to spend the night there all by myself. I’d just settled into my tent for the night when I realized I still had my contacts in. I got my contact lens solution and holder from my bag and took them out. Then I reached for my glasses case and opened it. No glasses. Fuuuck.

I was going to sleep but I thought I should be able to see in case something scary and creepy came up to my tent to devour me alive. I considered my options and probably went with the worst one which was attempt to put my contacts back in with only a small flash light and my iPhone front facing camera as a mirror.

The problem was if I lost a contact, I was screwed. I can’t see very well at all without them and I still had to hike 3.5 miles up a mountain and drive 40 miles home tomorrow.

Luckily, 20 years of putting in my contacts drunk/stoned/hallucinating etc. paid off. I did drop one but I found it quickly. Once they were in, I felt relieved knowing I would be able to see whatever horror was out there in the darkness, waiting for me to fall asleep.

It took a good five minutes of maneuvering to zip up my sleeping bag and get everything positioned just so. Then I closed my eyes…

I started to drift off but then I heard a noise outside and I bolted awake. I waited and listened carefully. There it was again. Something moving in the brush outside. I opened my tent and tried to cut through the night with my flashlight. Then, the rustling. Unmistakable.

I jumped out of my tent, grabbed a giant rock nearby and heaved it into the brush, hoping to scare away whatever it was that was advancing toward me. I waited. Then I heard it again from somewhere else. As I walked in the direction of the noise, I stepped on something. I looked down. A pinecone. They must’ve been dropping off the trees above me and making the noise. Much like Tom Hanks in Cast Away, I was trolled by mother nature.

Back in the tent, I attempted to go to sleep but I was wide awake. I tried reading a book for a bit but couldn’t concentrate. I looked at the time. 9pm. The Oscars were probably still on. I thought about everyone at their Oscar parties and started to feel very lonely. This tent was suddenly the last place I wanted to be.

I turned on my phone to see if by some miracle I could get a signal. Then I could call somebody and talk to them. But predictably, there was no service.

I laid down again but couldn’t turn my brain off. I kept thinking about the blog ending. The things I didn’t get to do. Whether I had done enough scary things. Whether it would ever become a book. I thought about the party on Saturday and how it wasn’t turning out at all like I wanted. I thought about all the turning points in my life. Graduating high school then college. Breaking up with my various girlfriends. Moving. Changing jobs. What was going to happen to me now?

Eventually, I drifted off into some kind of sleep. It wasn’t great but I was sleeping. The next thing I knew I woke up completely freezing. Colder than I’d ever been sleeping. I’d only worn a pair of shorts and a tshirt to sleep since my sleeping bag was 0 degree rated, which meant it could keep you warm in 0 degree weather. I was fine when I went to sleep but now I was unbearably cold.

The wind had picked up and I could hear it howling through the trees outside. It was whipping around the rain fly on my tent which did an admirable job of helping deflect most of it. But it was still freezing in the tent.

I quickly threw on my pants and fleece. I laid back down but that wasn’t doing the trick. I put on my North Face jacket, gloves and cap and finally, I began to get warm. The sleeping bag was a liar, I tell you. A LIAR!

Eventually I fell back “asleep” again. I just remember dozing off, waking up freezing cold, trying to curl into a ball to get warm then dozing off again. That happened more times than I could count.

Then the rain started. My pack was outside so I had to get it and bring it in so it wouldn’t get wet. Back inside the tent, I tried to sleep yet again.

It was the longest night in my life. Everything hurt. The sleeping pad helped but I was still sleeping on rock hard earth. 5am couldn’t come soon enough. I packed up my things in complete darkness with only my small flashlight. Then I began the hike back.

Thankfully, I only hiked in complete darkness for an hour before the sun began lighting everything up. Still it was cloudy and rainy and I was hiking uphill. It was pretty miserable.

It was colder at the top of the mountain where I parked. I jumped in my car, blasted the heater and headed home. I made it in time for work, though I struggled to stay awake the whole day.

This was one of the hardest and scariest things I’ve done so far. It took a lot of preparation and required a great deal of physical and mental endurance. I always thought I was fine by myself but being alone, truly alone like being in the middle of the forest with no communication is extremely difficult. It may not be big and flashy, but it was a very personal thing for me.

I’m glad I was able to finally do it. Getting lost up there all those years ago was traumatic. It was good to go back and conquer that lingering fear. And I have to admit, I do kinda feel like a bad ass now.

Self portrait by fire light.

Original Article

Posted February 27, 2012 at 9:49am in tumblrize

#359 Spend the Night in the Wilderness Alone Part 1

About 6 years ago, I decided to go mountain biking in the Angeles National Forest for the first time ever. I found a trail that looked pretty good online and off I went. I got to the trailhead at 2pm. This was in December which meant I had about 3-3.5 hours of daylight. I didn’t tell anybody where I was going to be. I was only wearing a t-shirt and shorts. I only had an energy bar and some water for provisions. I didn’t have any emergency equipment. No cellphone. Nothing. In short, I did everything you’re not supposed to do.

I ended up getting lost in the mountains. I couldn’t find the trail when the sunlight faded. I thought I was going to have to spend the night there. So I covered myself in leaves and pine needles to try and stay warm. It didn’t work. It was freezing. The only way I could stay warm was to keep moving so I started looking for the trail again. I ended up finding the trail in the dark (thank god for a full moon) and eventually flagged down someone on the highway to take me back to my car.

When I started for this blog, I immediately thought of that experience and how frightening and scary it was. I wanted to return to the Angeles Forest but this time spend the night myself and do it right. This was a pretty big thing for me to do. I don’t have much outdoor experience. I mean, I’ve done a lot of mountain biking and hiking, but never camped in a tent before. Not even as a kid. Unless you count a bedsheet tent in my bedroom. I guess that’s why I’d put it off for so long.

I’d been gathering equipment to do this slowly over the past year. I realized I didn’t that this was really the last weekend I left to do it. I almost said forget about it but it was such a big deal for me I knew I had to do it. So I ordered a sleeping bag and mattress pad, the final two things I needed. They were supposed to come on Saturday but it didn’t arrive until late afternoon. I didn’t think I’d be able to get to the hike-in campsite before the sun went down. And I didn’t want to make any mistakes this time.

There was no way I could this on a Sunday since I had work the next day. And certainly not during the week. Next weekend is the end of the blog and Saturday is the party (which you’re all invited to!).

Another setback and this time I really wanted to quit. But I didn’t. It’s now or never, I told myself. I’ll just get up really early, make it back to my car and home in time for work. I got into my car and was off.

I got to Red Box Ranger Station in the Angeles forest right at 2pm. I started down the trail to Valley Forge Trail Camp. I chose this campsite because it was a hike-in only and 3.5 miles from the freeway. I didn’t want to choose a campsite that was too hard to get to since I’d be carrying a lot of gear. Incidentally, I guessed my gear weighed close to 30 pounds which is not light at all. But that included 100 ounces of water as well as tent, sleeping bag, sleeping pad and food. Also, I needed a place I could get to in a couple of hours.

The trail to the campsite wasn’t anything to write home about. It was closer to a fire road than a hiking trail. Here’s what it looked like on the way down:

The whole way, I was worried about finding the campsite and making it in time to set up my tent etc. I knew it was 3.5 miles from the map but I worried anyway. Almost exactly 2 hours later, I found the campsite which turned out to be quite nice. It was relatively small, shaded with trees and next to a babbling brook. Nobody was there. Probably because it was Sunday and Oscar Sunday no less.

I immediately went to work setting up my tent. I found the perfect spot spot under some trees, near a picnic table and close to the brook. I cleared away the rocks and debris for an area big enough to pitch the tent. It only took about ten minutes to setup:

I felt a lot more relaxed now that I was all settled in so I explored the campsite. Like I said, it wasn’t very big. There were 3-4 fire pits and picnic table areas. There were also four pit toilets. I have this weird phobia of pit toilets ever since Schindler’s List so I opted for peeing in the bushes. There were a couple of paths that lead down to the brook which was probably a full stream in the spring.

I sat by the brook for a bit, just watching the water. That sound of water running over rocks is very peaceful. Almost as soothing as the fake brook at the sushi restaurant I like to go to.

Next order of business was gathering wood for the fire which actually was pretty easy. There were nice piles of dry wood all around. It may have been from trail work on the fire roads.

I made a basic teepee fire. I did this by putting dry leaves and needles on the bottom and then adding progressively larger and larger pieces of wood like a teepee around that. Then I lit it.

I made it well. Maybe a little… too well. The thing went up like a roman candle in a few minutes. Then it was like a flame thrower. It actually roared and the flames were shooting really high up. I was actually nervous I was going to set the whole forest on fire.

Eventually it died down as I started adding the really heavy pieces of wood:

Once it was going well, I took some time to do some reading. It was nice and relaxing. I was starting to enjoy myself. I even ended up doing some yoga. Whenever the fire died down, I did another firewood run. It’s amazing how much wood it took to keep the fire going.

Soon it was dinner time. I had bought a little camping stove and pot. I boiled up some ramen and canned chicken. That was the first chicken I’d had in a really long time. But it was protein in a can and fish would’ve broken up in the soup. I was starving at that point and it was one of the best meals I’ve had in awhile.

As the sunlight dwindled, I simply watched the fire like a TV. I didn’t even really think about anything. I guess I was meditating. If it wasn’t for the fire, I would’ve been so bored. And cold.

At around 8, I headed for my tent for my bed. It was kind of early but I figured I’d be tired from the hike. Plus I was going to get up at 5am the next morning.

The tent was quite cozy. But at that point my mind started to wander. Being alone in the middle of a forest alone at night was starting to mess with me. I couldn’t stop thinking of every single horror movie I’d ever seen from Deliverance (yes that’s horror) to The Blair Witch Project. But I was even more worried about mountain lions and bears coming to eat me while I slept. Then I thought, what if rapist hicks and witches riding bears and mountain lions were out there, just waiting to rape and eat me (not necessarily in that order)? I tried to put it out of my mind as I laid down to sleep…

Stay tuned for Part 2…

Original Article

Posted February 26, 2012 at 9:13am in tumblrize

#358 The Awesome Foundation - Helmet Hero

If you recall, last year I got a grant from The Awesome Foundation to give away bike helmets. I was supposed to make a video to show my experience and it was going to be shown at a party. I was pretty excited about this but it kept getting pushed back and pushed back and now it seems like it will never happen. At least before the end of SYED.

But I also kept pushing back working on the video because it seemed like such a monumental undertaking. There was a lot of video to go through and there was the added pressure of making something good enough to show at this party. I had a lot of lofty aspirations of what the video would be.

As the blog started winding down, I had this horrible feeing of not finishing what I started. Did I have to have a party to make the video? And when one of my readers asked whatever happened to my project, I realized I had to finish it.

I’d fallen victim to the trap that I always talk about: putting off is the same as not doing. Doing something is better than doing nothing. I mean, give it your all but get it done. So I worked all day yesterday to finally finish it. Is it everything I hoped it would be? No, but I’m happy with it. I had a specific idea of what I wanted to make and I did it. Hope you enjoy!

Big shout out to my friend Tim without whom I wouldn’t have been able to shoot most of this video!

Original Article

Posted February 25, 2012 at 9:46am in tumblrize

#357 Go to The Magic Castle

I’d heard about a place called The Magic Castle earlier in the year. Someone described it to me as some secret headquarters for magicians.

I’ve talked about my aversion to magicians in the past in the post where I was in a magic show. So a Magicians’ lair sounded like one of my worst nightmares. Thus, I knew I had to go there.

But you could only go there if you got an invite from someone who was a member. And only Magicians could be members. Magicians? A year ago, I didn’t know any magicians outside of World of Warcraft. But since the blog started, enter Magic Mike…

After my first Mortified show in LA, I saw a tweet about my blog from a guy named Magic Mike Jacobson (the “Magic” I suspect may not have been part of his God given name), a magician in Los Angeles. Turns out he had seen the show. He went to check out my blog after David so graciously pimped it at the end of the show. He liked it so he gave it a shout out to the twitterverse.

I thought this was very cool and we’ve become twitter buddies since. Me, friends with a magician? What was next? Peace in the Middle East? So i decided to ask him for an invitation.

Mike was gracious enough to send me an invite right away. He also gave me the scoop on what shows to see. He was awesome.

I asked Clara to go with me since we’re still friends and she mentioned that she loves The Magic Castle. I made dinner reservations for 8pm tonight and we were set.

The Magic Castle sits right in the middle of Hollywood, just behind the Hollywood and Highland Center. It looks, as you might suspect, just like a castle, perched up on a hill.

I took the Metro down and hoofed it over there in my “cocktail” attire which is required for entrance. Clara would be meeting me there a bit later.

The front entrance was small little room with a checkin area. I gave my invite and the entrance fee. Then I went to the door where I had to say “open sesame” to get in. The door slid open and I walked down a narrow hall to the main bar.

The castle had an old, art-deco lodge feel. Lots of eclectic decorations. Dark colors. It felt very cozy but sort of creepy. Like a weird rich uncle’s mysterious mansion. I really liked it.

To the right was a staircase. Straight ahead was the bar. To the left was a sitting area and a hall that lead to the close-up magic show. Behind the bar was another sitting area witha player piano.

I took a seat at the bar and waited for Clara to arrive. When she did, we got in line for a close-up magic show which Mike suggested we see before our dinner at 8pm.

The theater was tiny. It fit about 20-30 people including those who were standing. The magician was a guy named Adam Wylie who looked vaguely familiar, like he had been a child actor which happens a lot in LA. He did some pretty neat card tricks and other sleight of hand tricks. I enjoy this kind of magic the most because it doesn’t involve a bunch of props and special effects. It feels more real. When the show was over, Clara took a photo of me (even though it wasn’t technically allowed):

After the show, we headed upstairs for dinner. The place was hopping but we were quickly seated at a small table closer to the middle of the dining room. The food was only ok and pretty overpriced. But I guess you’re not going to The Magic Castle for its food. At the end of dinner, the waiter gave us two tickets for our final show.

Now we headed through to the back of the dining room, down a flight of stairs, past the main theater to another theater in the back where our show was. I’m not sure how you get to see a show in the main theater. It’s probably just timing.

This theater was bigger than the first one. It held about 50 people. Earlier, Clara and I had been talking about getting picked to be in a magic show. Clara said either me or her would be picked tonight. She told me to look eager so I would get picked. I said sometimes the magician likes to pick the guy who looks like he doesn’t want to be picked.

The magician for this show was a guy name Max Maven. He looked really familiar and I’m sure I’d seen him on TV for various magic shows. He also had a widow’s peak painted in worse than Carlos Boozer’s “hair.”

He started out by asking if someone in the theater had a deck of cards. Strangely, one guy did. I guess it’s not uncommon for someone in a magic castle to have a deck of cards. Then the lights came up and he scanned the crowd for a volunteer. I kind of glanced away as he was doing this but had a sinking feeling he was going to pick me. Sure enough, he did.

My goal was to be as enthusiastic and accommodating as possible. That didn’t start out too well when he riffled through the deck and asked me to spot a card and remember it. Now, the problem here is I know a little bit about magic. And I know he was forcing me to pick a card, which in this case was the 4 of hearts. He makes it extremely difficult to see any other card. I asked him to do it again and didn’t really see any card but in my mind picked the 9 of spades. I kind of realized I was ruining his trick at that moment but I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t trying to be difficult but I couldn’t help myself.

He knew pretty quickly what was going on and he changed the trick. He asked me what my card was and he ended up pulling it out of the deck. The audience was impressed and I was relieved.

He did a few more card tricks with me. The 4 of hearts came up again and that’s when I knew for sure I screwed up the first trick for him. But everything was smooth sailing from that point on.

One trick required me to shuffle the deck. After I did, Max commented how I did an “Asian” shuffle. I was like “Asian” shuffle? He explained that’s how a lot of Asian people shuffle. A short while later when he asked me to shuffle the deck again, I paused and said, “The Asian way?” and that got a laugh out of the crowd.

A few more tricks later and I was relieved of my duty. I realized that I’m much more comfortable in front of a crowd than I used to be. A year ago my heart would’ve felt like it was going to burst out of my chest if I’d done something like that. But now I felt almost at ease. I was more nervous about being entertaining than just being up there.

Max did some pretty cool mentalist stuff next like guessing what people were thinking. I think that stuff is pretty neat but I’m not sure it’s as much as a crowd pleaser as pulling a plunger out of your ass or something.

And that was the end of my evening at The Magic Castle.

The whole time I was there, I felt like I was in the Haunted Mansion ride at Disneyland. I kept expecting paintings to move or scary things to happen. I love that feeling of mystery and I have to admit, I really loved The Magic Castle. I loved how it made me feel like a kid again. And yes, I even loved the magicians. I think the key to enjoying them is letting go and having fun. Those are two things I used to have a lot of trouble with. But I’m realizing if you can’t do that, life can be pretty boring.

Original Article

Posted February 24, 2012 at 9:59am in tumblrize

#356 Get Colon Hydrotherapy

GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS AND MAYBE A GLIMPSE OF SOME POO! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

My bum hole is kind of like my body’s final frontier. I never even saw the damn thing till I was in my 20’s. Never touched it until I thought I had worms or hemorrhoids a couple of years ago and it turned out I was just allergic to the wipes I was using. And I don’t think anybody really saw it until it was unceremoniously waxed by a matronly middle-aged woman in the Valley.

Then a few weeks ago I saw a Living Social deal for “colon hydrotherapy.” I bought one immediately, knowing only in a vague sense what exactly that entailed. By the way, where does Living Social come up with these things? It used to be like spend $10 and get $20 at your local burger joint. Now it’s colon hydrotherapy, botox, vaginal reconstructive surgery, etc. But back to the topic on hand…

Deal purchased, I checked out the Healing Waters website to find out some more information.

First, wow. That website is so 1997. And it wasn’t even good back then. Second, I learned the difference between an enema and colon hydrotherapy. I’d compare the difference to riding the Peter Pan ride at Disneyland and being shot into space. At least, from what I could tell.

Healing Water is located in a tiny office right near my work. In the reception area was a small desk and a few chairs. Susan, the “colon hydrotherapist”, asked me to have a seat and fill out some paperwork. While I did, I glanced around. I saw a curtain blocking a hallway which I assumed lead to whatever chamber or dungeon in which my colon hydrotherapy was to take place. I could also hear some gurgling sounds. Kind of like a pool pump which didn’t comfort me in the slightest.

The questions began to crop up. How private was this going to be? Was Susan going to put something in my ass? Wouldn’t it smell? Why am I doing this?

When I was done with the paperwork, Susan left to prep the room. I could hear her talk to the woman who was already in there. That didn’t seem very private. Wasn’t I basically going to be taking a dump? Wouldn’t the people in the waiting area hear me?

Then Susan called me in. I walked past the curtain and into a small room. To the left was the colon hydrotherapy chair (for lack of a better word). It looked exactly like the one in this pic (which I swiped from Wikipedia):

Susan said she would leave the room and I was to remove all my clothes from the waist down. Then I had to get up on the chair. Basically it was like a reclined toilet. My legs had to go over the sides so I was kind of spread out and I could lean back. Then she gave me something that had a piece of flexible tubing on one end and a harder plastic tube on the other. She gave me a rubber glove and some lube. I was supposed to lube up the hard end and insert it into my bum about an inch, then connect the tube to an outlet in the chair. For some reason, I thought she was going to do it for me but it was all up to me. Then she left.

I took off my pants, socks and underwear then hopped up on the chair. Next I tackled the tube thing. I put the glove on and dabbed some lube on the end of the tube. But when I tried to put it in, it wouldn’t go. I went back for more lube and it ended up looking like something out of Aliens. But that did the trick and it slid right in.

Getting the other the end of the tube onto the outlet was a little tricky because half of it was in my ass and I couldn’t really see but I managed. Then I put a towel over my legs and rang the bell to let Susan know I was done.

I’ve never felt more vulnerable in my life: legs spread, leaning back and a plastic tube up my ass.

Susan came in and explained what would happen. Water would be pushed through the tube and up into me. When I felt “full”, I was to give one long hard push to expel the water (and poop I presumed) out. It flowed around the tube which was one-way so nothing would go back into it. The waste water would be sucked down and syphoned off through a tube which I could conveniently see through a mirror off to the side:

Yes, the waste pipe was really lit up like a neon sign.

There was also a valve I could turn to flush away the waste as it collected in the pipe. It was located on the thing that looked like a control panel from a steam punk dirigible:

Once the instructions were given, Susan turned on the water. Then she stood there. “I want you to try giving a push,” she said. “With you here??” I asked. She nodded. So I waited.

It was the strangest sensation. First I didn’t feel anything, then I started feeling something. Being filled up. It wasn’t a good feeling. Then pretty soon I felt like I had to take a crap so I pushed, but not much because there was a goddamn stranger standing there watching me. “Ok,” she said. “But try to do a longer, harder push. I’ll be back in 35 minutes.” Then she was off.

Thirty five minutes?? I looked down at the tube and saw some kind of shitty water (literally). Then I was getting that feeling again. This time I really let loose. It felt like my ass was a firehose. Now I could really see the crap in the waste tube. I turned the dial to flush it away.

That’s how it went. Filling up and the shooting water out of my ass like a fucking fire hydrant in New York on a Summer Day. For the first five minutes or so, I thought it was kind of neat actually. It really did feel like I was getting cleaned out. And I understood why the waste pipe was so lit up. There was something satisfying seeing all the shit being cleared out of my body.

But then my stomach started to hurt. Every time it filled up, it felt like I had bad diarrhea, which essentially, I did. The water went from shitty, to clear, to shitty, several times. The cramps started to get worse. I was sweating and started to feel panicked. It started to feel so invasive. The water just wouldn’t stop. It was like some demented torture device. In fact, it WAS a torture device. They should ship these over to Iraq. They could find out where all of Saddam’s gold is hidden.

I also kept worrying the water would like out the sides. I could feel run down my butt cheeks which was disturbing. I tried to form a seal between my ass and the chair. I wondered briefly if anyone ever got stuck, suctioned to one of these things.

It was like 35 minutes of non-stop diarrhea. I’d get some temporary relief and then feel bloated and cramped again. I was really freaking out near the end. I thought about ringing the bell or even turning off the water myself. But I wanted to see it through to the end.

A timer went off and started buzzing. It buzzed for several minutes but Susan wasn’t coming. I started reaching for the dial to shut the water off when she finally came in. “That’s it! Or do you want to stay on for 5 minutes more?” “NO!” I said. I think she could tell by my face that I was freaked the fuck out. She shut the water off. I pulled my ass off the tube and gave a squirt for good measure. Then she left the room with my clothes which she took to the adjacent bathroom. I wrapped the towel around myself and got off that cursed torture chair.

As I walked barefoot to the bathroom, I couldn’t help but think, wasn’t the floor covered in dirty butt water from other people? When I got the bathroom, I dried off with the towel. Then I grabbed a bunch of paper towels, lathered them up in the anti-bacterial soap by the sink and wiped myself down. One last squirt on the toilet and I got the fuck out of there.

Susan didn’t say much to me as I left. Just told me to stay away from a lot of vegetables for my first meal. And that was it.

I didn’t feel clean or refreshed. I felt exhausted. I was basically shitting for 35 minutes. I felt like I had been through the wringer (ha!). Worst of all, I really did feel traumatized. Violated. That relentless pumping was just so disconcerting. Maybe it was the loss of control. Or maybe it’s just proof that we shouldn’t ever have water shot up our digestive tract.

Original Article

Posted February 23, 2012 at 9:25am in tumblrize

#355 Apply for a Job

The day after I quit my job, I got an email from my former boss. It was about a job opening at a certain awesome late night host’s TV show. The job sounded like a perfect fit to me to be honest. I kind of sighed and put it out of my mind. I was quitting my job for a reason. I wanted to be a writer and didn’t want to let anything get in the way of that.

But when I was talking with my good friend Erin, she thought I should at least apply. She pointed out that this was a different job than the one I was in. A job that could lead to connections and writing opportunities. I definitely saw her point. But that’s exactly what I thought my current job would do. I had never worked in entertainment before and had high hopes that this job could lead to a writing job. Four years later, I wouldn’t call my time here a waste but I didn’t accomplish what I wanted to.

Then I told my other friend Christine about it and she had similar thoughts. And couldn’t I pursue my dream while having a full-time job? Maybe I should, but I haven’t been able to.

Also, both of my friends pointed out that working for this certain late night host would be probably be fun. A completely different environment than the one I was in now. Again valid points.

But it scared me to death thinking about applying for the job. It scared me to death thinking about not applying for the job. I’ve been getting progressively more and more fearful of losing my steady pay check.

I really didn’t know what to do.

Today I decided to just go ahead and apply. I figured, it’s just applying. I probably wouldn’t get the job. And if I did, I’d see how my heart felt. I thought it was foolish not to at least have an option. Maybe this time would be different?

It could be. I’m a much different person than I was 4 years ago. I definitely know I don’t want to do what I’m doing for the rest of my life, but I also know that my current place of employment is just not for me in more ways besides just the work.

We’ll see what happens. Just nobody tell my Mom.

Original Article

Posted February 22, 2012 at 9:14pm in tumblrize

#354 The Moth StorySLAM Attempt #2 and The Party

Ok, I’m now officially pissed off. I prepared another story for The Moth StorySLAM this week. If you recall, I went last week but didn’t get picked by their retarded method of pulling names randomly from a bag. Why is it retarded? Because everyone has the same chance. Whether you’ve told a story thirty times or none, like me. So as you might have guessed, I went again tonight. The subject was bosses. I prepped another story, rehearsed it and rehearsed it. Then I went tonight.

The producer said there were “only” 11 entries for tonight so if anybody wanted to tell a story, please put their name. What the fuck? What’s wrong with having “only” 11 people? She wants more people to not get fucking picked? I mean, jesus christ. So a few more people went up.

Then I had to sit through the entire show, my adrenaline pumping, waiting for them not to pick my name. I didn’t even stay for the idiotic consolation prize of saying the first line from your story like last time.

I’m sorry if I sound pissed but I am. I don’t even want to tell a story there any more. And that’s what this lame-ass method of picking storytellers does. It turns away new storytellers. There are a lot of people who may work up the courage to only attempt to tell a story once. If they don’t get picked, they retreat and never go again. That wasn’t me, but I want some sort of guarantee that if I go again, if I devote hours out of my week, gas from my car, $8, that I’ll get to tell a fucking story. But I won’t, so I don’t even know if I go again.

Maybe I will, after I calm the fuck down. I get it. This is the way it’s been done but that doesn’t make it right. How about they devote 5 spots to newcomers and the other 5 purely to chance? Or maybe even just 3 spots to newbies. Would that be so hard?

But of course the biggest reason I’m pissed is I won’t be able to get a StorySLAM in before the end of the blog. That’s what hurts the most and maybe that’s where all of this anger is coming from.

Anyway, I’m done venting.

In happier news, I want to tell all my readers that I’m having a party to celebrate the end of Scare Yourself Every Day on Saturday, March 3rd at 8pm at The Alibi Room in Culver City. I’m extended this invitation to anyone who wants to go! Seriously. Just show up. I would love to meet you. If you do want to go, simply RSVP to this Facebook event http://www.facebook.com/events/156659747785715/. It’s public so even if we’re not friends you should be able to RSVP. Hope to see you there!

Original Article

Posted February 21, 2012 at 10:33pm in tumblrize

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